"It seems like when I don't have anything left, that's when someone else wants something from me."
A woman said this to me last week at a networking event. This woman was likely in her fifties, a nurse, a wife and mother, a black woman, a business owner, and a community change agent. She isn't stopping her work or mission any time soon. But being tired has certainly become a fact of life.
I showed her my concept of the 8 feminine resources, and my theory that these are the resources we as women all inherently have. Some of these resources are economically valued, while others are not valued economically but are still expected from women.
As a black woman, she knows better than I do how some of our inherent resources have been expected, undervalued, taken, and even enslaved and extracted.
She liked it and asked for a copy of the graphic.
Women's Inherent Resources
My working theory is that burnout is so common among women because the bulk of feminine resources in women are expected for free or expected without an honorable exchange.
To put it bluntly, burnout is so common among women because feminine energy has been historically extracted.
Now, this is the part where some people might get a little uncomfortable that I just called it like it is.
But not the woman I was talking to. For her, and for other women who are tired as a way of life, when I start naming the 8 feminine resources and we start looking at naming exactly what we've got, the nebulous concept of burnout becomes something suddenly more tangible.
And then we can start doing something about it.
I call this "Women's Resource Empowerment."
The Steps to Women's Resource Empowerment
Know Your Resources
Cultivate Your Own Value-Relationship with Your Resources
Name These Resources When Setting Boundaries or Making Agreements
These steps quickly quell the root causes of burnout.
Know Your Resources
I will tell you how I came up with this concept. I kept experiencing a lack of understanding of the deep value and respect of the feminine resources I'd cultivated.
I had two Master's degrees and was an online thought-leader and subject matter expert around masculine and feminine energy in the modern world. But more than that, I had walked the walk of cultivating what we could call the conscious and sacred feminine, in balance with the masculine. Many found me intriguing. Men found it fascinating. But I was experiencing that people didn't really know how to value this new way of being.
It was as if this spiritual quest I’d been on to know the feminine was not paying off!
I'd spent time integrating healthy feminine and masculine, but the ways of work and economic value were still largely patriarchal.
The gorgeous, conscious feminine energy I’d cultivated… was still largely expected for free. Every woman has a version of her own story about what she works to cultivate, be it motherhood or her intuition about how her garden grows, without the world recognizing her for it.
So I started naming it.
In dating relationships, in contracts, in negotiations.
I wasn’t going to allow it to go unnamed anymore, and I realized that education would be required. I would have to tell those who wanted to hire me about how I came to my own assessment of value. I would have to share with men who may expect things from me that there are feminine resources that have up until now, just been given freely, but that this is not always to be expected.
But it was only after I could name each of the resources, and show them to others, that this concept began to help me.
Cultivate Your Own Value-Relationship with Your Resources
The thing about internalized patriarchy, also called internalized colonialism, is that we ourselves deplete and exhaust our own resources out of habit and neglect.
How often do you have another cup of caffeine instead of pausing to breathe and regulate your nervous system?
How often do you have a glass of wine to relax instead of a yoga or meditation activity?
How often do you agree to doing more than your body can truly handle for the sake of others?
How often do you condone your own depletion, deplete your own resources, and neglect the sustainability of your own internal system?
If you are like most women, you likely answered “All the time” for most of these.
So when you know that these are the 8 resources you’ve got, and all you’ve ever got, how do you treat that?
You can look at each category and get into a relationship with it. You can look at each category and ask yourself how you value it and show it respect. You can ask yourself how you would or would not assign economic or inherent value to each of them. You can get to know each category better and cultivate a relationship with the ones you neglect. You can come to value them so much that you’ll never allow another person to take advantage of them again.
So that when you don’t have anything left to give, and someone comes to ask you for more, you can reference a mental picture of this wheel and say, “Actually, I’m going to replenish my own resources right now instead of running myself dry.”
Name These Resources When Setting Boundaries or Making Agreements
This helps burnout prevention.
I once negotiated an agreement for contract work by simultaneously educating with this language and using it to discuss the terms.
Work environments often want to do an exchange of time for money, or money for productivity.
But in truly feminine, creational (and gestational) energy, there is a time of slowness in the creative act when nothing is actually being “produced.” And we get to get paid for that time and energy also.
In my work, sometimes I am a consulting professional in an organization, talking about data and behaviors and other tangible things, and sometimes I am a professional intuitive, using other faculties to derive information. These mystical faculties may not be as valued economically, but I tell you what, they take my work further than it would otherwise go.
Charging for intuitive value is a concept that is new in the mainstream.
It’s like I tell the women I coach with this tool, “Education will be required.”
But not all value and exchange is economic. And obviously, for the quality of our relationships and sense of self, we don’t actually want to define all of our value economically.
Cultivating a deep and authentic relationship with each of these resources allows for every woman to deeply and inherently value herself. It helps women to redefine their self-value in a tangible way other than economically.
A woman is always more valuable than any current economic system will acknowledge.
The way that we choose to exchange any number of our resources for an economic value is our choice, but we should not define the value of who we are from the economic exchange rate put on our resources. This is backward and has led to many women limiting themselves.
As I like to say, women are not a commodity.
But empowering ourselves to know our own resources and value allows us to heal common tendencies to over-give our resources in an unsustainable and depleting way.
Name it to claim the value of it.
And name it in order to stop giving it away.
Additional Tips for Preventing Burnout and Valuing Feminine Resources
Self-Care Practices:
Mindfulness and Meditation: Integrate daily mindfulness and meditation practices to maintain a balanced mental state and reduce stress.
Physical Activity: Regular exercise, whether it's yoga, walking, or another form of movement, helps to keep your body energized and your mind clear.
Professional Support:
Coaching and Mentorship: Seek guidance from mentors or coaches who understand the importance of balancing feminine and masculine energies.
Therapeutic Support: Consider therapy or counseling to work through deeper issues related to burnout and self-worth.
Community and Connection:
Support Networks: Build and maintain a network of supportive friends and colleagues who understand and value your feminine resources.
Workshops and Retreats: Attend workshops and retreats focused on feminine empowerment and resource cultivation.
Continuous Learning:
Educational Resources: Invest in learning materials and courses that deepen your understanding of feminine energy and resource management.
Personal Development: Continuously seek opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement.
Healthy Boundaries:
Set embodied boundaries: Learn to assertively communicate your needs and set boundaries without guilt or fear. Remember, the most effective boundaries come from clarity, not defensiveness.
Time Management: Prioritize your tasks and manage your time effectively to ensure you are not overcommitting.
By recognizing and valuing your feminine resources, you can prevent burnout and live a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, the power to change begins with understanding and valuing yourself.
Sarah Poet, M.Ed is a coach, healer and thought leader living in Asheville, NC with her teenage son, two cats and dog. She writes about aspects of feminine & masculine that she herself has lived, discovered and experienced and it truly is her mission to help uplift the consciousness of feminine & masculine. The concept of the 8 feminine resources is a part of a larger body of work called Heartland and a forthcoming book. Contact Sarah directly to inquire about private coaching, mentorship and healing sessions.
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